You’re Not a Real Geek, You Don’t Even Have a Penis


So, one of those “fake geek girls” came into the game shop the other day. You know what I’m talking about. They try to do all the same kind of stuff I do, only it’s wrong. They play D&D, Warhammer, Magic, video games, build PCs, run geek oriented websites, watch anime/read manga, go to cons, cosplay at cons, host party rooms at cons, run cons, watch sci-fi, read comic books, work for gaming companies, write code, and stuff like that but they’re trying way too fucking hard, ya know? It’s just totally obvious she’s just a poser trying to be a geek because being a geek is hip now or something. It’s super pathetic.

Anyway, dude behind the counter was all “Can I help you find anything?” and it couldn’t be more obvious that he’s trying to fuck her. He’s one of those guys who says they’re a feminist just to get laid. Every time some girl comes into the shop, he acts like they’re just another customer but we know what’s really going on. No one actually acts that way. Dude even says he’s got a boyfriend but I think that’s just a front to get pussy. Just like in Kick-Ass, which I’ve actually read and not just seen the movie like a poser.

She ended up buying a bunch of Magic cards, probably for her boyfriend. Then she sits down with some dude and starts playing with those cards! Like, that’s so rude to play with cards you’re gonna give to someone. Dude she was playing with obviously let her win both the games they played. I guess he had only played a couple times before but, still, it’s not like she knows how to play. Her playmat had “Top 8” printed on it so she even uses her boyfriend’s gear, in addition to using his cards. Pretty weak.

She had on a My Neighbor Totoro shirt because fake geek girls seem obsessed with Studio Ghibli shit. Like, it’s almost its own fandom but its not because…fuck it, it just isn’t. So, I walked up and asked her if she liked watching hentai and she winced at me and said “Yeah, that’s not really my thing.”. What a joke. If you don’t enjoy seeing a waif of a girl who’d barely weigh 60 lbs in real life getting penetrated and subsequently split in half by a disgustingly gigantic and phallic tentacle, you’re not really a geek in my book. I fucking told her that too.

I got a lot of shit for being a geek, growing up, but it seems like everyone wants to be a part of geek culture now. They even want a black guy to be James Bond. I’m not racist or anything but that just doesn’t make any sense. I don’t get why there should be a black James Bond, a black Johnny Storm, or any other heroic black character. Like, what’s up with Mile Morales? I thought it was “Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man” not “Your friendly you’re in the wrong neighborhood Spider-Man”. What do those people know about being discriminated against? It’s bullshit.

Another thing that bugs me is chicks that cosplay shit that they can’t even pull off right. Like this girl I saw doing original Batgirl. Nice try but Batgirl is 5’7″ and you are clearly 5’6″. It pretty much proves that you’re nothing but a poser. Then, I’m the fucking bad guy for telling her how dumb she looked by getting it wrong. I’m not even allowed back at the con now. (Or the game shop.)

When I was fourteen, a couple of older kids saw me walking on the other side of the road and one of them yelled “Freakshow!” at me. I’ve never forgotten that day. You think any of these fake girl geeks ever have to put up with shit like strangers yelling at them and making them feel weird? No fucking way. Nothing in the world could possibly be easier than being a woman.

All I want is for chicks to understand that you don’t just get to be a geek because you say so. It happens because you grew up in a suburb as an only child and you dug games, comics, and shit like that. Oh, and you have a micropenis. I mean, a regular penis. I have a regular penis.

  • Wendyeve

    Don’t know if sarcastic post or not but I’m a girl and a certified geek or as I like to say a very unique and awesomely special person since I grew up on comic books and came out the womb knowing how to work computers even if at the time it was a desktop, as long as I could remember I got bullied for being more into comic books when I was little and more into things that “normal girls” weren’t into at that time. Later I drowned myself into the world of anime and manga after I just so happened to stumble upon it while looking up videos on youtube those close minded girls at my school wouldn’t dare watch because it had to do with things that they thought were “nerdy” and “geeky” or “freakish”. After I saved up some money I was able to go to conventions and I had so much fun and met so many cool people that sympathized with me. Later on I tried to conquer my social anxiety by telling my fellow classmates and peers about certain worldly subjects such as anime, manga, history of different countries, video games they had never heard of, comic book issues and fan theories they had no idea existed and I was proud of myself for giving them an inside look and giving them an idea of what an open mind looked like. Some were very interested but others just called me a geek, but to be honest I’m proud to call myself a REAL geek who just so happens to NOT have a penis, you don’t have to have a certain type of genital area to enjoy something. And PS I watch Hentai and I HATE YAOI WITH A PASSION BTW but I love watching Hentai and all types of porn and just like a guy does I get down and dirty to it too so yeah I’m a girl and a REAL geek.