By Chris Christie
You idiots just had to keep it up, didn’t you? I warned you. But you wouldn’t listen. And now look what you made me do. A person died because of you people. It didn’t have to be this way. But you wouldn’t listen. Well do I have your attention now? Don’t fuck with me. So cut it out with this bridge shit.
Look, what I do to serve the people I serve is none of your fucking business. If I was told I needed to close some bridge lanes to protect the American people, then I’d do it in a heartbeat. But I won’t tell you if I did it or not. You don’t want the truth. Because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me to shut down bridge lanes. You need me to shut down bridge lanes. We use words like gridlock, jam, bumper-to-bumper. You use them like a punchline. I’ve been out in the real traffic, okay? So you have no business calling me fat. Also, I knew about that bridge stuff.
You need to realize what I figured out a long time ago. Trump is going to be President. Nothing can stop him. So you gotta get in while you can, before it’s too late. It’s the only strategy. If I was wrong, would I be the Chairman of the Transition Team for the Trump/Pence 2016 Presidential campaign? And be honest, if you had to pick out of me, Trump, and Pence to run the country, you’d pick me in a heartbeat. You can even throw Rudy in there, and I’m still your guy. I’m the best horseman you got. So you don’t want to lose me. After the dust settles, you better pray I’m the one left standing.
And you wanted to turn on me because of a fucking bridge? I’ve done way worse shit than that and you’re coming at me for a bridge? Fuck off. I can’t wait until you hear about the buildings I definitely didn’t demolish and the ice cream cart I didn’t set on fire because they didn’t not have rocky road.
It’s always small stuff you people obsess over. And then I have to respond because you leave me no choice. I crashed that train in Hoboken because you wouldn’t forget about a few closed lanes. It never would’ve happened if you didn’t given me a hard time after Hurricane Sandy. And Hurricane Sandy never would’ve happened if I didn’t need to sink a few boats.
So forget about the bridge nonsense. You don’t want to test a man with nothing to lose. Trust me. I could make 9/11 look like 9/10.