Woman Runs Out of Cheese Before Awful Salted Bread is Consumed


Tragedy struck early Saturday afternoon when Ohio resident Mariel Diprenner depleted her allotment of nacho cheese before the salted dipping bread that came with it had been consumed. This wouldn’t be the first time Mariel would have to deal with such a predicament and it most likely wouldn’t be the last, though she found herself just as unprepared as ever to deal with the situation.

“I guess I could throw the rest of it away,” she said through gritted teeth as she tried to choke down a piece of the dry, salted snack that had been so delicious a moment ago when slathered with cheese, “It just feels like a waste though. I paid for this salted bread and I’m going to eat this salted bread.”

After taking another bite, grimacing, and washing it down with a large gulp of soda, Mariel made a mental note to herself to make sure that the cheese was more evenly distributed in the future to avoid such an avoidable lunchtime blunder.

“When you start it always seems like there’s going to be more than enough cheese to go the distance,” she said, “but that little cup is deceiving and the salted bread is twisted in a way that makes you think there’s much less of it than their actually is. I don’t know how I always get myself into these kinds of messes but I’ve really got to start paying more attention to my vehicles for cheese consumption in the future.”

When asked how she plans to combat such problems in the future, Mariel said that perhaps next time she will ask for a plastic spoon and a cup of cheese. “I’ll pay for the stupid bread, that’s not really the issue. I just think it’s irresponsible to waste food.”

“There’s starving kids out there that would probably be even hungrier if I didn’t finish this nasty-ass bread.”

More on this story as it develops.