LOS ANGELES, CA– In an administration that can’t seem to make a single popular move, President Donald Julius Trump announced today that he is issuing an executive order to force the Weinstein brothers to greenlight a sequel to the financial and critical failure that was the1995 filmMallrats.
The vocal majority may have been against most of Trump’s moves thus far, including such universally panned moves such as banning Muslims from entering the country and more recently the trans military ban, but his newest move is easily has stirred more ire than any of his previous foibles combined.
One analyst that worked previously under the Obama administration, Lance Shetski, said, “The President’s other executive orders may have been both more heinous and damaging to the individual rights of Americans and those that would like to one day call themselves Americans, but this? This is just cruel.”
Even those that have nothing to lose and everything to gain with this decision are upset, including long-time producer of Kevin Smith’s films Scott Mosier. “I don’t like to get political, that’s not really my place, but Mallrats is the worst piece of shit I’ve ever seen my name on and I once wrote my name on a literal piece of shit with a white-out pen.
“I like to get paid as much as the next guy, but not like this. Never like this.”
It isn’t all hard feelings on the production side of Mallrats 2, however, as writer and director Kevin Smith had this to say:
“I’ve spent a long time thinking about what I would do with a Mallrats sequel and what sort of objects Jason Lee might touch after wiping his own ass with his hand. I’ll admit that the chocolate pretzel bit was a stroke of genius far above my personal level of intelligence but that doesn’t mean we can’t make lightning strike twice.”
Some in Washington think that they will be able to stop the order before any real damage is done, citing that the President has no power over which popular movie franchise do and don’t get sequels and that he is far overstepping his bounds. Time will tell in Mallrats 2 ever sees the light of day but whether it does or doesn’t we as Americans will power through this tumultuous time as we have every time in the past. Except for the people that fell between the cracks and/or died, of course.