Study Finds That Men in Their 30’s Fear Reboots of Childhood Franchises More Than Public Speaking, Death

mistbutt

If you believe that you’re alone in being most afraid that somebody is going to fuck up a Street Sharks reboot you’re not alone. A study done by the Pacific Journal of Chinese Medicine has discovered that the thing that males between the ages of 30 and 40 are most fearful of is the resurgence of a franchise that they enjoyed when they were a child but haven’t thought about in almost twenty years.

This will not be a surprise to many that have been active on the internet from the last few years, given the backlash from Transformers to Robocop to Ghostbusters, popular franchises from the ’80s seem to be the number one target of many studios these days.

Local pizza delivery driver and would-be entrepeneur Travis Kunkle posted to Twitter this morning, “y cant they just make new stuff?” and many critics agree. Why can’t they make new stuff? Is it truly that hard to make a surefire smash hit out of nothing? This reporter doesn’t think so, and neither does Travis Kunkle, who can be found by his Twitter handle, cumbutt420. Cumbutt420 went on to say, “if they remake aaaahhhh, real monsters im going to go into a jc penny and just start shooting” which got him in a lot of hot water with the local police, but he was ultimately given only a slap on the wrist since there isn’t a JC Penny within 100 miles of him, he doesn’t own a car and his mother revoked his car-borrowing privileges.

“i still watch the cartoons of my childhood every day and if they brought some of them back id have to watch them (1/2)” Krunkle added, “id just have to kno and they will prob suck and bum me out, which would hurt me deeply on an emotional level (2/2).”

Krunkle is not alone, either. Many men in their 30s feel this way and are more than vocal about it in online chat rooms and water cooler situations alike.

Krunkle then softened his stance a little, posting:

“just make it good like it was back then, but like, better since im like a judgmental jerk of an adult now. is that so much to ask?”

Just make it good like it was back then indeed, Kunkle, just make it good like it was back then indeed.