Skilled Comedian Confuses Being Funny and Fighting with Children


Somewhere in the Midwest in a town nobody has ever heard of, another skilled but mostly unsuccessful comedian threw yet another tantrum about a Facebook argument he either didn’t agree with or didn’t understand, sources close to the disagreement said Saturday evening.

The argument that ensued, while hilarious, did not make either party look any better. One side of the brawl were just a bunch of weenies fighting on Facebook while the other side was also just a bunch of weenies fighting on Facebook. At the end of the day one side of the argument dug their heels into the hills while the other side simply waited out their inevitable and ever-closer deaths, taking shallow stabs whenever they could, waiting for them to finally either bleed out or move over.

A spokesperson for one side of the disagreement said simply, “They just don’t get it,” while living well below his means, “I would love to explain it to them, but they’re so dumb and I’m very smart,” he said, playing with a small electronic video game system designed to amuse children.

A spokesperson for the other side of the disagreement said, “I’ve got a lot of experience in this industry, and if I know one thing it’s that we were smarter when we were kids. We grabbed the bull by the horns and we knew what the future had in store. These kids today? They have no idea,” he said, taking a drink from a plastic whiskey jug while his children, there for the weekend, were playing with an ashtray. Trying to eat enough butts to get full, a game their father designed. “They think they know what they’re talking about, think they know what the future is going to look like but they don’t. Kids these days are stupid, while I’m not stupid. I’m smart. Watch this!” He flexed his muscles briefly before pulling something in his groin and cursing so loudly the police showed fifteen minutes later and we excused ourselves.