Sign This Petition If You Think Only Noam Chomsky’s Vote Should Be Counted


In the wake of the recent election, many Americans, including those that voted for third parties, Harambe, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, believe that maybe their dumbass votes shouldn’t be taken so seriously as they clearly don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.

Local Harambe voter Doug Stapleton said this morning, “Man, I thought it was so funny on Tuesday but now it’s like, why would they even let someone like me make such an important decision for everyone in the country? I masturbated to The Little Mermaid fanfics and drank Yoohoo out of a used plastic dipping cup for breakfast. Somebody should be out there protecting me from myself, like maybe that super smart guy. What was his name again? Norm Chompy? Where was Norm Chompy when I needed him?”

Reached for comment, Noam Chomsky responded with, “It’s not my responsibility to decide the future of this country alone, but the responsibility of every last American citizen, no matter how misguided we believe them to be, as the masses should not be beholden to the wishes of the few.” Which seems like just the kind of response someone that should probably decide stuff for us, in this journalist’s opinion.

If you agree with us, please sign your name in the comments below and we’ll forward them to the White House.