The Recount is in and the 45th President of the United States of America is Harambe


In light of so many Americans being unwilling to accept that their next President would be Donald J. Trump, notorious businessman, political outsider and sexual assault advocater, many gave an absurd amount of money to political moron Jill Stein in hopes of recounting the votes in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Michigan in order to determine if Trump had indeed won those states or if a combination of voter fraud, miscounting and outside sabotage had led in any way to Trump’s victory over Clinton.

Many Clinton supporters had braced themselves for what they considered the worst outcome, that Trump had indeed won the Presidency fair and square and that there was nothing we could do but grin our teeth and bear it, they could not have been prepared for what was discovered from the recount; that our next President would be the world-renowned and currently deceased gorilla Harambe.

Those fearing what effect a Trump presidency would have had on our nation have even more cause for concern this evening as they brace themselves for what a full term with a dead gorilla at the wheel of the most powerful country in the world. There have been rumblings of attempting to overturn the results of the election once again considering that the next POTUS would not only be an animal incapable of speaking, making complex decisions regarding hot button issues such as global warming, ISIS, finger-painting and eating without the use of his feet, there is an even greater concern that with the animal being dead he’s really going to stink up the place.

The Constitution, however, is very clear on the matter. While a President that dies in office would then be replaced by the Vice President and other in a pre-established order of succession, apparently if you’re voted into office while dead it is the will of the American people and there’s nothing that, legally, can be done.

With concerns high over what the corpse of a gorilla will fail to accomplish in office, some are somewhat relieved, as Trump was sure to do what he could to undo a great deal of the work Obama had done in office and at the very least the rotting carcass of Harambe could really only keep everything at a standstill.

How this will look to other foreign leaders, friends of the nation and otherwise, has yet to be seen and will surely have at least some adverse effects but the more the nation’s brightest minds think about it, the more of them come to the conclusion that this might not actually be the worst thing in the world.