Obama Convinces Trump To Take Your Guns

We all knew Obama would come for our guns. But in a surprise twist, it didn’t happen and now he’s gone. According to the most recently smuggled minidisks emerging from the secret patriotspies in the White House, that’s because he was able to convince President Trump to take all your guns. Not only is it definitive proof that Obama is the worst, it lends further credence to rumors that Trump might not keep every promise. And it looks like guns is one of them.

Obama had wanted to enact Executive Order 1 but was unable to because of the amazing work of the people at The National Rifle Association. They’re the only thing standing between you and all out martial law. They’re the only thing preventing the death of freedom. And they’re deserving of all your donations. They need them now more than ever, and that’s truer than it’s been before. I hear their quarterly numbers are showing a downturn and that’s making them trigger sad. Won’t you help the NRA protect your Second Amendment rights? Donate today. Or else Trump might take your guns away.

Plus I hear that ammo is on sale at your local gun dealer. So head on down to the gun store and buy guns! You can never have too many guns. Buy guns for your guns! And God help you if you don’t donate to the NRA because they have so many motherfucking guns and they know where you live.