New York Doesn’t Remember Rudolph Giuliani, Either


Following ex-Mayor Rudolph Giuliani’s comments about there not being a terrorist attack on U.S. soil before Obama, New Yorkers were reportedly questioned as to how they felt about Giuliani only to reveal that most of them didn’t remember him being the Mayor, if they had ever had any knowledge of it at all.

“Rudolph was the Mayor?” one woman said while shopping with her children at the M&M store for groceries, “You mean that dog with the red nose that helped that dentist get his soul back or whatever? I don’t think he was the Mayor, I’m almost certain that he was a drawing and I’m damn sure he wasn’t Italian. Please don’t confuse my children, they’re very stupid.”

Those that did remember Giuliani seemed completely unaware that he was the Mayor of New York at all. “Oh yeah, I remember him!” a young skateboarder said while cutting the lock on the dumpster behind Chipotle, “He’s that guy whose blood they spilled the “non”-fat yogurt into on Seinfeld!” He said while opening the dumpster to find only hard taco shells and inelegantly proclaiming his displeasure, “If I remember right, that guy wasn’t a very good actor. I can see why I haven’t seen him around much since.”

Some reporters in the city, thinking that perhaps New Yorkers were simply blocking out that terrifying period in their lives, then began asking if they remembered 9/11. “Oh sure,” one woman said while eating a hard taco shell next to an open dumpster, “wasn’t that when that Daily Show guy was the Mayor? Or maybe he was just like Vice Mayor and that Colbert guy was the real Mayor, I don’t know. I just know that, whoever it was, he certainly isn’t going to forget a horrible experience like that, no matter how it might really spice up a particularly dull speech.”

When reached for comment we were told that whoever that guy was that 9/11’d everybody was dead and his mother would appreciate it if we stopped calling.