The globalist consortium that operates within all major governments in order to prop up international markets to benefit multinational corporations switched its vote to Trump at the last minute because “Fuck it,” according to an anonymous exalted leader speaking under the pseudonym JAY Q.
Trump had claimed at campaign rallies that the system was rigged against him by a global conspiracy of bankers, politicians, and late night comedy shows. According to JAY Q, he was right. “He caught us fair and square. And now that we’ve seen the light, I don’t know why we were ever with Her. She wasn’t going to do what we wanted. It doesn’t make any sense. I mean, she promised to make all our UFO files public, right at the Hour of Zenonth. What were we thinking? But that just proves how crooked she is. Trump was right. Maybe now we can finally use those FEMA camps and restart Project ChemtrailZ. I always liked that project, it’s how I got the Z in my name. I mean Q. It’s how I got the Q in my name.”
When pressed for specifics about who’s in the organization, the anonymous representative said, “It encompasses most of what you know about and some of what you don’t know about. Sure, the FBI and the KGB play a part. The media’s in there. And we keep the KKK due to a bet we made in the 50’s with Joseph McCarthy. We’re gonna win that bet. They may be the worst Americans but they’re still the worst, and that makes them good enough for us. Now Trump will help us carry out our plans. Plus, I heard Hillary had pneumonia.”
In other news, hate groups are on the rise and the stock price of several private prison corporations skyrocketed for no reason.