The Mall of America Presents: Tyler Perry Presents: Santa


This holiday season the Mall of America has gone out on a limb to be all-inclusive, introducing a new twist on fictional Christmas superhero Santa Claus with the help of Tyler Perry.

Many are excited for a new take on Santa but some aren’t so thrilled. Obviously not everybody is a Tyler Perry fan, and so far the Mall of America hasn’t taken these complaints too seriously. President of the Mall, David Mallman, said in response to complaints, “I get that Tyler Perry’s comedy can be a bit too broad at times, but I don’t understand why some are so entirely opposed to the idea. The man has made some great movies! And when it comes to his ideas for Santa I think that people are going to be pleasantly surprised. Honestly, I don’t understand how you can be so upset before you even see the new Santa in action!”

The differences between the regular Santa and Tyler Perry Presents: Santa may be subtle, but there will be several of note. For example, while the original Santa was jolly and portly, the new Santa will be joyful and overweight. The new Santa will also have some cultural differences; instead of living in the North Pole, the new Santa lives in the North Pole. In place of flying, magical reindeer piloting his sleigh, the new Santa will have unspecified horned quadrupeds guiding his sleigh not by flying with magic, but instead by jumping into the sky and remaining there for several hours at a time using nothing but determination and what the new Santa refers to as “the Christmas spirit” which is also a brand new concept. Though many will balk at the concept, the new Santa is also planned to don a red suit that looks much like a robe with pants that are made of the same material, unlike the original Santa that donned a crimson robe and similarly colored pants to go with it.

When offered the job of recreating this new Santa and turning in the above ideas after scribbling on the back of a napkin for a few seconds in exchange for $23 million and a coupon for the Build-a-Bear Workshop, Tyler Perry was said to have laughed for two and a half hours straight before stopping by the Workshop on his way out and putting together the best damn bear the mall had ever seen. He was said to have thrown the check in the backseat of his car with abandon.

Tyler Perry’s whereabouts are currently unknown.