I Was Bored So I Thought I’d Be Madonna For Awhile

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By Miley Cyrus

Somebody had to do it, and I didn’t see any of you mother fuckers stepping up to the plate.

Before Madonna came along, female pop stars always fell into the same category; the innocent virgin that your parents would approve of. They were twelve-year-olds in little sundresses singing about how they all hoped to land a man some day. It was something your parents could approve of and it was the closest avatar to who they were. They vilified sex, drugs and basically any sort of lifestyle that doesn’t fit the strictest molds. It made good little girls feel good about themselves and bad girls feel even naughtier. The “bad girls” had the polarizing enemy they needed and the “good girls” had their idols. It seemed like a fine way to do things until you realize that some girls don’t want to be good or bad, they just want to be human beings that think for themselves, make their own decisions about using drugs or having sex. The girls in the middle had nobody to look to, and let’s face it; most of us are really somewhere in the middle, forced to pick a side. Madonna changed that.

Madonna came along and did what she wanted, said what she wanted. Did she occasionally go out of her way to be shocking? Sure, but certainly no more than everyone else went out of their way to be “clean” and “proper.” She wasn’t a virgin and she wasn’t the devil. It’s what every girl secretly wanted out of their pop stars and it’s something that has seeped it’s way into most pop music today, but not nearly as much as it should. Women still write songs about giving their numbers to boys and wanting a man to “put a ring on it.” Put a ring on it? IT!? Are you fucking kidding me? We want men to stop objectifying us, then we have Beyonce, a self-proclaimed feminist, referring to women as it. I’m not trying to take the blame away from men here, but this shit is not helping. I feel like the least we can do is not fucking refer to ourselves as it.

Now we have Taylor Swift, which, man, I don’t even know where to begin there. She dresses in cutesy little dresses and swirls around, singing about all the boys that hurt her while parading half-naked models around on stage. Who the fuck brings models on stage? Who are you? If anyone else did that, it would be seen as some real sexist shit but when Taylor does it it’s empowering to women? How? A beautiful woman parading around other beautiful women who don’t have any real skills? At least Taylor plays music, their job is just to look pretty, and that’s fine. By no means do I have anything against models, but once they step onto a stage and don’t do a goddam thing other than smile and wave, go fuck yourself. At least have the decency to pick up a triangle or some shit.

I’m young, attractive and famous, and I’m going to let anyone who wants to take naked pictures of me have a field day. Fuck it. I’m not going to look this good or be this famous forever so I’m going to enjoy it while I can. That’s just what I want to do, who I feel like being right now. I’m taking a cue from the big M’s playbook and I’m running with it, just being whatever I feel like being because I’m one of the few women in this world that really can. I have no one to answer to, I have enough money where I could quit now and still be rich forever so I’m going to have some goddam fun, and I’m going to do it without hurting others or myself. So what’s so goddam wrong with that? I’m not claiming to be a spokesperson for women and I’m not a marketing whore, I’m just being Miley and Miley calls ‘em like she sees ‘em, and she ain’t seein’ much good these days.

If you’re a little girl that wants to be like Taylor, that’s fine, but you should know that that’s not Taylor. The Taylor you know is just a public persona. We all have a public persona to some degree, but hers is divorced entirely from anything even close to a human being. She’s a commercial that never ends. She’s selling you on Taylor and she won’t quit until everyone has one, but what’s the end game? What does Taylor Swift look like it ten years? Is she still just the fake little girl that smiles politely and tucks any semblance of a personality away? I don’t think so. I don’t think anyone could keep that up. Not that I know where I’m going to be, but I don’t have to worry about that. I don’t live a fake double life. Miley’s just Miley and anyone that doesn’t like that doesn’t have to like me. The only product I’m selling is my music, and if you don’t like it? Don’t listen to it. That’s fine, I don’t need all the money.

I’d rather be a person.