By Donald Trump, age 70
This time I really don’t get why people are mad. Jeez, this is not fair times infinity! I got in trouble because a website says I peed on a lady one time. Can you believe that? Well, guess what everybody: that’s what sex is!
Let me break it down for all you sad angry virgins who obviously have never done it before. When a guy and a girl are boyfriend and girlfriend, and they wanna do it, they kiss, then the guy grabs her by the pussy and he pees on her. Nine months later a baby is born.
As a guy who’s gotten laid millions of times, I know this, believe me. And I know what you’re gonna ask. If I’ve peed on so many ladies, how come I only have five kids?
I peed on a condom most times. That’s how you stop AIDS.
Why is everyone a Nazi about this? I’m a grown up president, and I’m allowed to do it. Grown ups do it every day, and I’m gonna keep doing it. If you don’t like it: too bad, dude! Mind your own effen beeswax!