I Don’t Give A Fuck About Any of You

By Taylor Swift

You’re all being taken for a ride, you’re just too stupid to know it.

My last album became, in less than a week, the highest selling album in the last twelve years and let me tell you, it hasn’t gotten easier to move an album in the last twelve years. How did I do it? Music is stupid and incredibly easy to make. Any moron can throw a decent pop song together. Not that I’ve done it myself in years. I didn’t spend my life learning how to make music, I spent it learning how to make money. Except for that time I took that improv class. I thought that it might be fun. I was wrong.

When I was fourteen I started my career as a country singer. That was almost as stupid as taking improv. While I did amass quite a following even then, I was cutting a huge chunk of the population out of giving me money and that was unacceptable. It’s true that the people that love country music do love it with a passion, but it simply wasn’t enough people, enough money. I wanted all of it. I looked into rap, too many words. Then I gave electronica a try, too boring and I was getting sick of taking molly all the time. Finally I settled on pop music and never looked back.

Everybody loves pop music, because that’s the way it’s designed. It gives everyone just a taste of what they like about music and stays on the surface level. You don’t need much from it. Just something to distract you from your life while at the same time reminding you of yourself in some meaningless way. We all have similar experiences. Yes, those experiences have many nuances and you can’t truly understand a person, story or song without delving into those nuances, but that’s not what I’m here to do. I don’t make art. I’m not here to hold a mirror up to society, I’m here to draw caricatures and steal your wallets while you complain that I made your nose look too big.

You call me a feminist because I tell you to. I’m no feminist anymore than I am a misogynist. I don’t believe in anyone other than myself, and why would I? I got to where I am and I don’t even have passion for this shit. You think I care if women believe in themselves or not? If you can’t muster up the strength to try I’m sure as shit not going to help you up. At best I’m an example of what women can do, but I’m no spokesmodel. You wanna know what it takes to make it in this world? Be what they want you to be; a shell of a person. Kowtow to everyone on everything until you’re in a position of power and then you let them roll out the carpet for you, because if they don’t? You idiots will tear them apart, because I’ve taught you to love me. I’ve done nothing technically wrong and everything technically right. Nobody has a bad thing to say about me, and the few that do? They come off as petty. Because I’m winning and they aren’t.

Whether it’s sales, critical response or rabidity of fan-base, I’m taking home all the medals. I’m an asexual pop princess that parades models around on stage while I wink, curtsy and reintroduce your favorite 1950′s gender roles all the way to the bank, the best of all worlds. I’m not technically doing anything wrong, but I’m also certainly not helping move things along. I fill my videos with models and guns, I openly support LGBT and I keep my clothes on not because it’s who I am but just to cover all my bases. No one has any idea what I’m like behind closed doors because personality doesn’t make money. Humanity isn’t marketable, disguising it is.

I’m a business woman, first and foremost. Maybe that’s all I am. It’s certainly all I intended to be. I took a good hard look at the machine and decided that I wanted to be the one that pushed the button, not working the line. I tell the cogs when to turn and who to do it for and the cogs think they love me because they don’t know what real love is. I pretend that we’re friends but you know what? Friends don’t charge friends money to hang out. Or at least I don’t think they do. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had friends. Never needed them. I have mutually beneficial relationships with business partners. At any given time, my “best friend” is always going to be whoever can make me the most money.

And that person is always going to be me.