Donald Trump Continues to Have Won the Presidential Election


The United States election may have been over more than a month ago, but that hasn’t stopped a great deal of people from trying to wish so hard that things had gone differently that they tear a hole through the fabric of space and time and change it.

Much like with the last Republican President Elect George W. Bush, liberal Americans seem wholly unable to accept the fact that their Presidential candidate has lost and that the race, whether they’re willing to accept the outcome or not, is essentially over.

Some still think we have a chance of Clinton, and in a few cases Sanders, taking office despite basically everything strongly suggesting otherwise. Local teenager and amateur skateboard collector Josh Barnicles said early Monday afternoon that he believed that he doesn’t like Trump, so he shouldn’t win. “I dunno, I just don’t like the guy. I didn’t like that Hillary dude very much either, but she still seemed like way less of a turd than Trump, you know?” He showed me around his room, pointing out a few of his skateboards. If we’re being honest, I thought that some of them were pretty darn cool. He has several that said, “Not My President” quite a few with Hillary skateboarding on a bottle of hot sauce, some pretty dope looking dragons and almost half of his collection including women baring their naked breasts. These were my kind of skateboards and I was really starting to come around on Josh’s view of the electoral college while looking at them.

“Like, I thought the electoral college was cool until they didn’t do what I wanted them to do,” he said while loading up some kind of a water pipe of what I can only assume was some sort of green pencil shavings, “It’s time they did the right thing and give us the President that we voted for.”

“It’s time they give us Harrambe.”