Charlie Kaufman Hired to Write Batman v Our Morbid Reality

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In a move that surprised just about everyone in Movietown, USA, Charlie Kaufman has been tapped to write the next film in the Batman film series.

Kaufman has so far been fairly tight-lipped about the story he’s planning to tell, but sources close to the critically acclaimed screenwriter say that this isn’t going to be your typical Batman film. While Batman movies in the past have focused on the Dark Knight’s battles with clowns, cats, Mexican wrestlers, disfigured lawyers and Christopher Walken, Kaufman plans to move away from that and focus on what really makes Batman tick: is overwhelming disdain for the very fabric of our reality and examine why we all feel so beholden to it, even though we don’t really understand it.

If Kaufman’s previous works are any indication of where the new Bat-film is headed, we can expect a lot of deep, introspective storytelling that seems purposely confusing at first but in the later half of the movie, when we finally begin to wrap our heads around the themes he’s trying to convey, will make us feel smart and cool.

The physical manifestations of the villain is anyone’s guess at this point, though if Kaufman is sticking to the comics for inspiration, he’ll have plenty to choose from. Even if Kaufman wants to move away from villains that have been used in movies previously, he has the options of using that alligator man, the serial killer dude, that mud monster guy, that stupid man-bat thing, Bruce Wayne’s deep-seated resentment of the Monopoly man, soul-crushing loneliness, the police, Kevin Smith, that guy that’s always calling into Wayne Tech customer service no matter how many times they tell him that they know he’s masturbating, Jeremy Piven or bandage-face man.

Whatever story Kaufman decides to tell, movie-goers can expect to be pleasantly surprised as it is sure to be a departure for the series.