7 Character Actors That Have Probably Tasted Their Own Cum

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Vincent Schiavelli

Mr. Schiavelli has appeared in over 120 film and television roles, making him one of Hollywood’s most prolific character actors. Appearing in everything from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest to Batman Returns and even Amadeus, Schiavelli’s work has been both exceptional and consistent, making the likelihood of him at some point tasting his own cum all but assured.

Ned Beatty The Los Angeles Premiere of Paramount Pictures' "Shooter" Village Mann Westwood, California United States March 8, 2007 Photo by Eric Charbonneau/WireImage.com To license this image (13090401), contact WireImage: U.S. +1-212-686-8900 / U.K. +44-207-868-8940 / Australia +61-2-8262-9222 / Germany +49-40-320-05521 / Japan: +81-3-5464-7020 +1 212-686-8901 (fax) info@wireimage.com (e-mail) www.wireimage.com (web site)

Ned Beatty

When we think of important character actors, it’s usually not long before Ned’s name comes up. From Rudy to Deliverance to Toy Story 3, Ned Beatty has seen just about every kind of production Hollywood has to offer, which probably means he’s spent a lot of time alone in his trailer with nothing to do with his days between scenes. One of those times, it’s not hard to imagine, Ned probably masturbated, got a little bit of himself on his finger and had a few Wheat Thins without washing his hands thoroughly.

Actor Keith David arrives for NBC's "The Cape" premiere party at The Music Box @ Fonda on January 4, 2011 in Hollywood, California. NBC's "The Cape" Premiere Party The Music Box @ Fonda Hollywood, CA United States January 4, 2011 Photo by Mark Sullivan/WireImage.com To license this image (62944039), contact WireImage.com

Keith David

After successfully breaking into the worlds of action, drama, narration and even comedy, Keith David is an unstoppable powerhouse of incredible talent that at some point must have wondered what his own seed would taste like spread over a piece of lightly toasted honey wheat bread.

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Steve Buscemi

Perhaps the most currently well-known character actor on this list, Steve Buscemi has appeared in countless critically and commercially successful films and quite a few that were neither. Considered in many circles to be one of the most attractive men in Hollywood, it should be no surprise that Buscemi at some point emptied the content of his testicles into a white paper napkin, marveled at both the amount and coloration of the sample, and gingerly dragged his tongue across it, finding it both salty and faintly acidic.

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John C. Reilly 

The Stepbrothers and Walk Hard star may be better well-known for his comedic performances today, but he also used to be quite the dramatic actor. Appearing in pivotal roles for Boogie Nights and Chicago, John C. Reilly has always had the chops to take on whatever H-town throws his way and then some. He has had some time between roles in the past, however, and we can only imagine that curiosity has gotten to best of him at least once or twice, prompting him to remove all of his clothes, lean his buttocks against the wall upside down, arching his back and masturbating until orgasm, opening his mouth and taking all of himself in as he can catch, like a child catching snowflakes with their tongue.

Actor Stephen Tobolowsky attends the 8th Annul BAFTA/LA TV Tea Party at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza on August 28, 2010 in Century City, California. 8th Annul BAFTA/LA TV Tea Party - Arrivals the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza Century City, CA United States August 28, 2010 Photo by Todd Williamson/WireImage.com To license this image (61428831), contact WireImage.com

Stephen Tobolowski

Appearing in such films as Momento, Groundhog Day, Thelma and Louise and most recently Silicon Valley, Stephen is no slouch when it comes to getting meaty roles. His meatiest, however, was probably when he sat in his chair alone in his office in the basement, sure he could hear his children upstairs and accounted for, nowhere near the basement door, when he took out his 13″ penis, rubbing the tip of it with a thumb he had moistened with his tongue until it became as hard as a human dick could, bent his torso forward and took as much of himself into his mouth as he could. To be fair, the cum probably mostly went down his throat, but he was sure to get a drop or two while pulling his lips away.

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J.K. Simmons

When J.K. Simmons isn’t demanding more pictures of Spider-Man, many Hollywood insiders believe he’s ejaculating into ice cube trays and freezing them to be used later in glasses of iced tea.