Artist Impresses Everyone By Not Taking Job He Wasn’t Offered


Earlier today in Seattle, Washington, bassist and coffee shop attender Joseph “The Skiz” Franklin announced to a small group of friends that if given the opportunity to play at Trump’s inauguration he would quickly reject it, impressing everyone in the room.

His group of friends until then hadn’t thought much of The Skiz, deeming him a disillusioned musician quickly approaching forty with nothing to offer society but a cautionary tale, but since the announcement they seem to be singing a different note. “The Skiz used to be a joke with our group of friends, to be honest with you,” said lifelong friend of The Skiz Lindsey Davenport, “He was just that guy we all knew from High School that could still get us drugs. I knew he was still playing music but I haven’t seen him in, God, it’s got to be fifteen years already. Now that I know that he’s turning down work before he even gets it, though, I might have to check his band out. Sounds pretty cool.”

The Skiz’ band, Wet Towel, has been playing in Seattle for nearly twenty years and are a mainstay at a privately owned coffee shop run by their keyboard player. They play every Sunday between noon and 12:15 PM and are considered by many of the coffee shop’s customers to be quite terrible, though there are indications of that changing once word gets out on The Skiz’ bold political stance.

When polled waiting for coffee, several patrons thought that it was “totally sweet” that The Skiz was uninterested in taking part in the inauguration of President Donald J. Trump while others just looked at their phones like they hadn’t heard me talking to them. I know they heard me, damn it. You bastards, don’t you dare act like I’m not here. I ASKED YOU A QUESTION, SIR! YOU CAN DO ME THE COMMON COURTESY OF TELLING ME TO FUCK OFF AT THE VERY LEAST!

No news yet on how the Trump camp feels about the proclamation, though many analysts believe they will most likely be devastated.