Ambulance Driver Paralyzed by Protest-induced Traffic Jam


Minneapolis, MN – Early Wednesday mourning the I-35 W bridge was momentarily brought to a grinding halt by a group of Black Lives Matters supporters protesting the two recent deaths of black citizens by police. The protest lasted for roughly 45 minutes. In the ensuing chaos of the traffic caused many Minneapolis residents to be late for work, school and in one particular case delayed a trip to the hospital.

Hennepin County Medical Facility driver Barry Dermowski was driving an ambulance this morning at the time of the protest and when confronted with the large number of immobile cars, he didn’t know what to do. “Usually, when a car is on the road, it’s going in the direction it’s pointed in. I know there are some cases where you see them backing up, strafing from side to side and even in at least one particular movie franchise flying and going back in time, but you rarely see so many just sitting there in the middle of the road. I just didn’t know what to do. It’s not like they train you for this sort of stuff. They even had to come up with a new word for it. Apparently they’re calling it a, “traffic jam.””

“I didn’t know what to do other than just wait it out, which was a hard choice to make, let me tell you. I had three dying kids and their mothers, also dying, sitting in the back of my ambulance and I had to just sit there and watch them die. It was rough, you know? To deal with it, like, emotionally, I had to shoot up a buttload of morphine. Like I knew if I was going to have to watch those kids and their moms die, I was gonna have to be fucked up or I knew it was just the sort of thing that was going to fuck me up forever, you know? You gotta take care of your mind. It’s the only one you got.”

Update: Representatives from Hennepin County Medical Facility does not, nor has he ever, worked for them and are investigating how he got a hold of an ambulance.