It’s a great time to be an alt-right activist. Steve Bannon is in the white house, Pizza-gate is in the news, and hate speech is now a generally accepted part of nerd culture. Yet, despite these victories, our kind is still met with mockery by my older brother and his friends. All because I don’t have a girlfriend.
Well, I’ve got news, I don’t even want one! And guess what? That’s not weird! You are!
As is our custom, let me give you a bizarre, long-winded breakdown, in an angry block of text.
Reason one! Not having a girlfriend means I can never be a cuck. How can I watch someone fuck my girlfriend if I don’t have one?
Reason two! I have access to a lot of free live cams. This serves many of the functions of a girlfriend, but without having to listen to their dumb opinions on lipstick or whatever girlfriends talk about!
Reason three! Western women all want to kill men. I actually believe this! I have sent my older brother and his friends MANY blog posts and statistics to prove it, but they refuse to open their eyes. By open their eyes, I mean spend hours reading long winded, poorly formatted rants.
Reason four! I’m too busy. There is a war for our culture happening right now. If I’m not out there on the front lines, ie: commenting on satirical Facebook posts, making Nazi frog comics, and threatening women who talk about Ghostbusters, we could very well all end up in Globalist PC concentration camps. One day you’ll thank me for my service!
Reason five! All the girls I meet online are stuck up, anyway. If I send you 10 messages between the hours of 2 and 4 am, I expect a prompt response. If you can’t do me that courtesy, you’re not worth my time!
Reason six! Hillary Clinton was a girl.
Reason seven! Being in a relationship requires constant communication and empathy with another human being. This sounds like libtard, PC bullshit to me.
I rest my case. While you beta cucks are out there getting dragged by your dumb girlfriend to some Shakespeare in the Park bullshit, I’ll be right here, screaming angrily into the void like a normal person.