A Complete List of Intelligent Things Donald Trump Has Said On and Off the Campaign Trail

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The liberal media would have you believe that Donald Trump is nothing but an oaf making constant gaffs but the facts clearly say otherwise. Both on and off the campaign trail, President Elect Donald Trump has been both intelligent, insightful and prolific when it came to both his political career and life advice he’s given throughout the years. Below are just a few examples of some of the musings of our future Commander in Chief that will make you proud to be an American.

Trump on Fatherhood

“I don’t think Ivanka would do that inside the magazine. Although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said that if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I would be dating her.”

“I gave all my children jobs. If you consider yourself a good parent, please, give your child a job.”

“If you spare the rod you spoil the child. I didn’t have a rod but sometimes I’d fire a gun into the air next to their beds while they were sleeping.”

“I believe in spanking. Not my children, but in general. Well, maybe Ivanka.”

“You have to be stern with a child if you expect results. A steady, cruel but occasionally loving attitude is, in my opinion, the way to go, and that’s just the way I told to maid to raise them.”

“Sometimes I “accidentally” leave pictures of my dick on computers I give Ivanka but she’s never once thanked me. That’s not what being a good father is about, though. Being a good father is making sure she gets the dick pics she needs.”

Trump on Women

“When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything … Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”

“If I could be in a room alone with Mila Kunis I would rub myself on her leg until cum oozed out of my limp dick with the speed and consistency of a popped blister.”

“If I were a woman I’d fuck dudes like me until my disgusting, yellow, rotten cum was coming out of my nose.”

“I’d rather fuck a waffle iron than let anyone over thirty touch my dick.”

“If my wife ever came I’d call the police.”

“I don’t eat pussy. At least until I pull it out of the freezer and warm in up in the toaster oven.”

Trump on Minorities

“I don’t care for them.”

Trump on Soup

“Tomato is the best soup.”

“People really didn’t like the tomato soup comment I made a few minutes ago, and to those people I say that I was of course kidding. Chicken Noodle is my favorite soup.”

“Since I have once again caused quite a stir with my soup-related comments, I feel the need to once again clarify that Chicken Noodle is my favorite soup when I’m sick. When I’m not sick, I prefer Clam Chowder.”

“You people and the soup! You know what? I don’t even like soup! Never have, never will! I like food that’s good, food made by chefs you’ve never even heard of because I bought them and I’m keeping them a goddam secret. They’re making food for me that you wouldn’t believe, the best food. Food that costs more than your house and the house of your children and their grandchildren combined, that’s how good my soup is! Your soup comes in a can. You might as well live in a prison if you’re eating that soup.”

“I want to fuck my daughter.”