Monthly Archive: September 2016

Nice Guy Finishes Second To Last

Notorious ‘nice guy’ James Anthony finished second to last today, a personal record. “Sorry,” Anthony said after the race. And he owes it all to another competitor being disqualified from the 5K hotdog eating contest for using performance enhancing mustard. “I feel bad for him, you know. He …

6 Roald Dahl Quotes to Ignore

Roald Dahl wrote children’s books that inspire kids around the world, but he also had several controversial views that aren’t acceptable by today’s norms. This leaves modern parents in a difficult position. So if you want your children to idolize the beloved author, here are six …

Hillary Clinton Diagnosed With Terminal Cough

Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton was diagnosed with a cough earlier today at a CVS in Durham, North Carolina. With this condition, doctors expect she’ll only live another 30-50 years. It is unclear if the campaign has begun their succession plans, but NBC News has reported that Clinton has water underneath …